Dating tips i learned from being a waitress

And unless you've spent time serving food and drinks to the unknowing, you'll never be in on the wealth of knowledge floating around the restaurant... We consulted servers from across the nation to spill their dirty secrets about your favorite restaurants.When your server asks what you prefer, it translates as 'fu*k you, Govnuh'.

However, the only skills I possessed dealt with waiting tables.

After all, he was just a weepy egocentric human who was demanding all my attention, and even on a slow Tuesday night you’ll see four of those… See, the first thing you learn as a parent is never wake the baby. Even if they’re lying on your chest and you just drank a gallon of tea you sit there as still as possible like the kid’s pinning you to the sofa like they’re fucking Mjolnir, because the hard truth is a quiet baby trumps dry pants every time. I’ve never wet myself to keep my baby quiet, but I wouldn’t judge anyone who has. If you’ve never seen a restaurant worker eat before their shift picture a team of piranhas working on a cow, except with more silverware and fewer niceties. With complaints like, “Where’s my food, I screamed my order at you a minute ago… and, me me me me me me…” it’s amazing more of them aren’t killed annually (probably because it’s illegal, thanks Obama).

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34 Comments

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  2. eric   •  

    Has a good selection process and is strict on members.

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